FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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