He uses pillows to masturbate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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