you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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