Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
