i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
