they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
