I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
