WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
