I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
