Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
