can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
