My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
