guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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