she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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