I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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