Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
