yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
someone threw a dead crab at me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got inside last night via doggy door
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
