theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
