Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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