After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
