dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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