My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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