tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
