jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
