I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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