There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
