By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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