Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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