his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
