Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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