a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
