New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
