Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
