I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
