Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
