U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
