If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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