What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
