Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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