drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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