this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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