How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
