So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
