You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
