onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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