hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
