been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
