its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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