somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
