I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
