If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
