honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have post one night stand depression
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