You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
