I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
